Clowningway
Date of Bechatment: January 31st, 2007
A simple font gives rise to the greatest screenplay ever written. Mighty oaks from little acorns grow.
Scott says:
I have a font on my computer called “Clowningway”.
John says:
lol
Scott says:
That is either:
a) the name of Jerry Lewis’s English country mansion
b) a gritty drama about inner city comedy gangs.
John says:
LOL
Scott says:
One life.
One dream.
One bottle of seltzer.
Edward James Olmos - Denzel Washington - Carrot Top
CLOWNINGWAY
On the mean streets of Baltimore, it’s get busy laughing, or get busy dying.
John says:
LOL
John says:
lol
John says:
oh man
Scott says:
You know that EJO would totally tear that role to shreds. It’s an Oscar lock.
John says:
lol
John says:
His scarred face with clown makeup is killing me
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
“Look at that face! You can’t even get spirit gum to stick to it! You ain’t no clown, man!”
“I didn’t used to be this way, Tony. I was young like you once. Brash. A reckless clown. Why do you think I come down on you so hard? Because I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.”
“You ain’t my father! I didn’t ask you to look out for me!”
John says:
lol
John says:
lol
Scott says:
“I knew your father. Before the accident…I made a pledge I intend to keep. Now get on that unicycle. We aren’t leaving until you get it right.”
“Yo, I’ll get on the unicycle - but I’m not staying around here. I’m out, man. It’s over. I’m finished.” [unicycles down the alley]
John says:
LOL
Scott says:
God damn. This stuff writes itself.
Scott says:
I think the accident had something to do with an engine fire in a clown car.
Scott says:
23 clowns…burning hot oil…oh, the humanity!
Scott says:
Clownity?
John says:
lol
Scott says:
I want to hear EJO accuse someone of being a reckless clown. Just once.
John says:
lol
John says:
man still lol
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
Man, the unicycle montage will bring the house down.
Scott says:
John says:
lol
John says:
man this is gold
John says:
EJO giving Carrot Top the business re: clowning is the funniest thing ever
John says:
I have tears
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
“giving Carrot Top the business re: clowning” = lol
John says:
“You take it right up the line, and no further. Your father always wanted to push it. He thought those laughs were his. He was wrong.”
Scott says:
LOL
Scott says:
LOL
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
“When you’re out there, under the lights, the sweat dripping down your face, can you tell the difference between the laughs and the cries? I can’t. Not anymore. You stay in this business too long…go to far…your heart gets hard.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“Tough it out…stick with it for this one last show. Hope that some young punk can go out there and make me proud.”
John says:
lol
John says:
DENZEL WASHINGTON
You can’t lose what you never had Carrotzo. You’re no clown. You never were.
CARROT TOP
I am a clown! I have the clown in me! No one can take that away! [honks]
Scott says:
LOL
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
DENZEL WASHINGTON
You want to be a clown? You want to be a clown? Then you go out there and show me what you’ve got. Because I’ll tell you this: that audience out there doesn’t care about you, and they damned sure don’t care who your father was. You want to come in here and act the clown, then you show me you deserve it. Until then, you’re just another guy in floppy shoes.
John says:
LOL
John says:
lol
John says:
[cont.]
DENZEL WASHINGTON
Floppy shoes. Floppy heart.
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
CARROT TOP
My father used to have a saying: Get busy laughing…
DENZEL
…or get busy dying.
CARROT TOP
You know it?
DENZEL
Where do you think I learned it from?
(flashes the Denzel teeth)
Now get out there and make your dad proud.
John says:
LOL
John says:
JOHN LEGUIZAMO
He’s finished, Maestrozo. Leave him! You go out there, those boos will be for you, too!
EDWARD JAMES ALMOS
Get your hands off me! No clown gets left behind, do you hear me? He is one of us! He IS us! Now hand me that pie and tiny tricycle. Hell is riding with me.
Scott says:
LOL
Scott says:
LOL
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
tears
Scott says:
JOHN LEGUIZAMO = lol
Scott says:
oh man
Scott says:
Man, “Ghost Rider” would be so much better if Hell were riding with him on a tiny tricycle.
John says:
lol
John says:
lol
Scott says:
Also if John leguizamo were involved.
John says:
CARROT TOP
I can hear them, Daddy. I can hear them laughing! I did it, Daddy. I did it for you.
JOHN LEGUIZAMO
Carrotzo!
EDWARD JAMES ALMOS
He’s gone, son. He’s gone. [honks]
Scott says:
LOL
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
[honks]
Scott says:
= lol
Scott says:
I want to imagine an audience that takes the honking completely seriously. That’s how clowns cry. It’s not funny.
John says:
lol
Scott says:
Oh…the Carrot Top death bed scene. How many have wished to see such a thing?
John says:
Oh yes. It’s completely serious.
THE CLOWNING = Requiem for a Dream
Laughter = Heroin
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
yes.
Scott says:
No one wants to be a clown ever again after seeing CLOWNINGWAY.
John says:
lol
John says:
DENZEL WASHINGTON
I eat punks like you for breakfast, shorty. What you gonna do?
DMX
Clown you, motherfucker.
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
JOHN LEGUIZAMO
How can you stand it?
EDWARD JAMES ALMOS
The pain?
JOHN LEGUIZAMO
Clowning. The stench of death that follows it everywhere.
EDWARD JAMES ALMOS
I didn’t choose this life. It chose me.
JOHN LEGUIZAMO
The clowning way is a flower that squirts only bitter tears.
EDWARD JAMES ALMOS
It’s the only way I have.
John says:
LOL
John says:
lol
John says:
lol
John says:
EJO is making a balloon animal of a giraffe during that scene.
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
Yes.
John says:
Slowly. Like an origami crane.
Scott says:
Yes. Then he turns and opens a cabinet. We see that it contains hundreds of identical balloon giraffes. In the middle is a picture of his dead son.
John says:
LOL
John says:
lol
John says:
holy crap yes
Scott says:
lol
John says:
JONATHAN PRICE
The clowning way is not the only way, my friend. There are… other paths.
CARROT TOP
You shut up! I’ve heard all about you! I won’t walk that dark road.
JONATHAN PRICE
Aren’t you already? Or did you think that seltzer was free?
Scott says:
LOL
Scott says:
LOL
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
Or did you think that seltzer was free? = lol
Scott says:
Oh man.
Scott says:
And he has an Irish accent for some reason.
John says:
lol
Scott says:
Man, I want to know what dark secrets Jonathan Price is harboring.
John says:
EDWARD JAMES ALMOS
He wouldn’t.
DENZEL WASHINGTON
That’s what I said. Until I saw it for myself.
EDWARD JAMES ALMOS
Did he… ? Was there… ?
DENZEL WASHINGTON
Yes. The barrel. Everything.
EDWARD JAMES ALMOS
I won’t lose another one, Leon. Not like that. Rodeo is worse than death.
Scott says:
LOL
Scott says:
LOL
Scott says:
Yes.
Scott says:
Of course.
Scott says:
Leon = lol
John says:
I have a meeting. It is not about The Clowning.
Scott says:
lol
Scott says:
I don’t know why not.
Scott says:
How do you walk away from the greatest idea ever to attend a meeting?
(Answer: On a tiny tricycle.)
John says:
LOL
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